The parenting dilemma: Guiding versus allowing freedom in extracurricular choices

As a mom, I’ve found myself constantly questioning the best way to approach my child’s extra mural activities. Should I be the one to choose them, knowing what’s best for my child’s development, or should I let my little one have the freedom to pick what they’re passionate about? The balancing act is real, and tricky.

On one hand, I feel this strong sense of responsibility to guide my child’s activities, especially when it comes to developing important life skills. I’m the one who can see the bigger picture, right? I want them to be well-rounded, plus, there's the added bonus of me being able to choose activities that I know are safe, educational, and most importantly, beneficial for their future.

But then, there’s the flip side. As much as I want to make sure they’re learning and growing, I also want them to feel like they have a voice in their own life.

I know how important it is to allow my child to feel like their choices matter, so letting them pick their extra mural activities sounds like a great idea, right?

The thought of them coming to me with excitement, telling me about a new hobby they’re interested in—which for me included skateboarding and computer classes, brought me joy.

When they get to choose, there’s an energy about it that’s contagious. They’re more motivated, more committed, and they want to put in the effort because they’re doing something they love.

But here’s where it gets tricky. Sometimes, I see their interests change on a whim. One week they’re obsessed with doing kick flips, and the next, they want to quit and try inventing a machine to make cars drive on water.

It makes me wonder if I’m doing the right thing by giving them so much choice. If I let them follow every new interest, I could be setting us up for a long list of half-finished activities.

That brings in the whole financial side too—activities aren’t cheap, and constantly switching things up can feel like we’re wasting money, for instance a skateboard - a full set-up - can cost anything from R1000 up, and for my kid whose father teaches him about the brands of boards, going to the Chinese store to buy a fong-kong one, is just not on.

I try to remind myself that maybe it’s okay for them to explore, even if it costs a little extra or means we end up with an activity they only liked for a few months. It’s part of the process of finding out who they are and what excites them.

At the same time, I can’t ignore the fact that I’ve got a responsibility as a parent to ensure that their time is spent in ways that are actually meaningful.

Do they really need to try every sport under the sun? Or would it be better for them to stick with one activity for a longer period to gain deeper skills? Sometimes, the more I let them choose, the more it feels like they’re jumping from one thing to another, without really committing to anything. And then, I start to worry—are they learning the value of perseverance and dedication if they’re always moving on to the next shiny thing?

I guess the key is finding that middle ground. I don’t want to completely take the reins, but I also want to steer them toward activities that can help them grow.

I’ve learned that it’s important to have open conversations with them—talk about what interests them, but also why it’s important to stick with something for a while. I’ll guide them, but I’ll also let them take the lead when it comes to finding what they love.

tracy-lynn.ruiters@inl.co.za

Weekend Argus