How to spot a fake orgasm: Expert advice on intimacy and communication
Ever walked away from a steamy encounter, only to wonder if your partner could win an Oscar for their performance? Don’t worry, you’re not alone.
Turns out, a shocking 68% of women and 27% of men have admitted to faking an orgasm at some point, according to a survey of 2,000 people by Cosmopolitan.
With hundreds of thousands of monthly searches for terms like "how to spot a fake orgasm", it’s clear that many are eager to crack the code.
But before you feel too disheartened or start analysing every sigh and moan, let’s take a deeper dive into why people fake it, how to spot the signs, and, more importantly, how to foster better communication in the bedroom.
To help us out, we turned to the experts at Peachy BDSM, Australia’s largest BDSM store.
These seasoned pros have seen it all when it comes to intimacy and are here to shed some light on the truth behind the fake 'O'.
The physical and emotional tell-tales
Let’s start with the physical signs. According to the experts, an authentic orgasm usually comes with involuntary muscle contractions, especially in the pelvic area, face, and sometimes even the toes.
“If your partner’s movements seem overly theatrical or rehearsed, it might be worth considering,” they explained.
Breathing patterns and heart rate are also great indicators. During a real orgasm, the body tends to experience rapid, shallow breathing, followed by a gradual return to normal.
If your partner’s breathing stays steady and calm, they might not be experiencing the real deal.
And it’s not just about physical signs. Emotionally, genuine orgasms often leave a person feeling euphoric and relaxed. If your partner goes from "cloud nine" to suddenly bored or distracted right after the supposed climax, something might be off.
As the experts cheekily put it, “If their orgasm performance rivals Meg Ryan’s in ‘When Harry Met Sally’, you might have a drama queen in your midst!”
Common reasons people fake orgasms
Contrary to what some might believe, faking isn’t always about deception. Many people fake orgasms to spare their partner’s feelings.
Others might feel pressure from societal expectations or past experiences, which can lead to the desire to "speed things up" or avoid awkward moments.
Dr David Ley, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, explained in an interview with The Atlantic that many people fake orgasms out of a sense of obligation.
“They feel like they need to end the experience in a way that validates their partner’s efforts, even if it wasn’t entirely satisfying for them,” he said.
The reasons vary but understanding why someone might fake it can help prevent miscommunication and hurt feelings. After all, it’s not always about you, it’s often about them, too.
The importance of open communication
Here’s the kicker: the best way to know if your partner is faking it isn’t to play detective, it’s to “talk” about it. Open communication in the bedroom is not just important, it’s essential.
“Discussing you and your partner’s likes, dislikes, and, yes, even the occasional mishap can transform your intimacy from a guessing game into an exploration of mutual pleasure.”
If you’re unsure how to start that conversation, try framing it with a positive approach. You could say something like, “I want us both to enjoy our time together even more. What can I do to make things better for you?”
This opens the door for honest dialogue without making your partner feel judged or defensive.
How to foster trust and intimacy
Spotting a fake orgasm might seem like a fun challenge, but the ultimate goal should be creating a space where neither partner feels the need to fake it in the first place. Trust and intimacy are the bedrock of any satisfying sexual relationship.
The experts noted, “Trust is the ultimate aphrodisiac.”
When both partners feel safe to express their needs, desires, and even their disappointments, the pressure to perform fades away, allowing for more genuine, fulfilling experiences.
If you suspect your partner might be faking it, approach the topic with light-heartedness and openness.
Avoid accusations or making them feel guilty, this can only lead to more secrecy and discomfort. Instead, focus on building a stronger connection where both of you feel free to explore pleasure together.